Overcome fear and nothing will hold you back

Since I've last written things have been looking up. I'm SOOOO excited to be able to go home and just visit and see people. Not really to have an agenda is going to be amazing. I'll get to see the animals (even though I love my little Addeline), spend a holiday with my mom and see the girls. I'm even planning on spending a night or 2 on the west side of the state to see kelly, heather, tyler and andrew. I wish that time would pass so I can go home already. My moods haven't been so shifty. They put me on an antidepressant which I think has been helping. I didn't want to go on another med but I figured it would be cheaper than going to therapy as much as I would need it. I found out that I had 2 panic attacks so now I know what they feel like. I still get VERY anxious and frustrated with my new job. Luckily Ry has been  helping out as much as he can (he speaks his dads language). The antidepressant is also to take my panic/anxiety down because it's WAY too high on most of the days. I especially get anxious when I'm trying to figure out how to do my work that I'm suppose to do. I'm debating whether or not to get another job but apparently I'm entering the real estate business for Bob at one of the busiest times so he barely knows what's going on. Hopefully soon I'll understand what I'm doing. I've made a huge binder or templates and all the housing contracts he's sent me. I have to figure out the ins and outs of this Keller Williams site (he's maybe visited it once) so it's my job to figure out the site. I could call someone but I'd feel like a dumbass asking "yea, how do you work this site" when there are tutorial videos all over the site over everything. The only problem is me getting to watch them. I don't have a very large attention span unless its listening to music which actually gets me through all the rest of the computer stuff I get assigned to do... music solves everything damnit! On a different note, I'm getting a tattoo when I go home which I'm really excited about and I'm hoping Jordan can join me because it speaks of our journey of life. It's gonna hurt like a bitch because it's going on my ribs then I'll probably pass out. I should probably take  a couple of Valium when it goes on... maybe that will calm my nerves and NOT make me pass out. I also might make a move to get some closure in my life that's always bothered me. It's a 2 way street and I'm going to try to get something out of it. I don't even care if I get an apology or just a whatever, at least then I can close a chapter in my life forever and get closure. I haven't decided if I'm going to go for it or not, but I hope I can. The least I can do is try to do something.... whether it will work or not is a different story.