Lost

I like the fact that I'm no longer working in the restaurant industry but this whole working from home thing is just making me lonely.... especially because I have no idea what I'm suppose to actually be doing. Being home just makes me depressed because I'm alone as soon as Ryan goes to work to until i go to sleep... which is before he even comes home. I don't know why I feel so lost lately. I need to be around people to be happy or sleeping so I'm not feeling anything. I just don't know what to do or where to turn to. I want to go to the gym but I just feel like I have no energy or even happiness to go to the gym. I just can't make myself go. I'm disgusted by myself in so many ways and my appearance is most of it. I miss the unhealthy skinny I used to be. I hate how fat I am. I try to stick to diets and I just can't do it. I'm trying a new one so I'm hoping this will help a little to lose some weight before the families come out to visit. I just feel lost. I hate this feeling. Maybe this is why I ended up in the hospital. I couldn't even give a reason to why I did what I did whenever someone asks me. I am lost.