It's Not Like You To Leave In The Middle Of A Song

I don't know what's up with me lately. I have no money. I can't find a damn job. I barely leave the house. I don't really hang out with anyone. I haven't smiled in days, maybe weeks. I'm just giving up on myself. I went to my first support group which was nice. The were only 4 of us but it was fine. We basically just talked about random things in our life and how we experience the same things as each other. It was actually quite comforting. There's no real therapist, it's just peer to peer support group. I hate job searching more than anyone knows. I had 2 good leads then they just fizzled away. It's super annoying when that happens and just makes me more depressed. Even if I were to search everyday and hit every place in boulder I wouldn't find a damn job. I hate being jobless. I hate knowing the fact I have no money to go out or even leave my house for that reason. Ryan and I have just been fighting basically non stop because of the stress that the finances leave us. We're going through a rough patch which blows. If I had a job, this all would probably stop. Granted my anxiety would be pretty high up there when I start a new job but at least I'll have money. He made me file for disability so I'm still waiting for all that stupid shit to go through. I have no idea when I'll get money. It makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit knowing the fact I can't help out with bills or pay anything. I can't pay to go out for dinner, I can't go out with my friends at night. I can't do anything without a job or without money. Everything just sucks right now. I'm in such a funk I feel like I'm never going to get out of it. I see no light at the tunnel. I still haven't reactivated my facebook account. I feel like that would just make me more depressed if I see what everyone else is up to. Without facebook, no one can randomly contact me out of nowhere and my relationship won't get destroyed. I've figured out facebook for the most part sucks. I love seeing what my friends are up to and playing the games on there but seeing "models" and all these nice pictures it just makes me depressed. I'm extremely depressed. I can't remember the time I felt like this. Most days I don't even want to get out of bed. Mostly I just wish I could sleep all the time. That way I don't see anyone or have to fight with anyone or even talk to anyone. I could only wish....