Look What Momma Found.... Why did you leave me so soon?

This is a note that I wrote to myself and to Jill if she could hear me from Heaven. My mom found the not I wrote while she was cleaning and redo-ing the whole house. Take a look, the first time I read this (i normally don't read random journal entries i write, i just write them) I could barely get through it. I was bawling.

Damn, lately I've been thinking about you a lot. I miss you so much it's insane. It's almost been a year since you left but I can't get over it. I haven't come to visit yet. Something about it scares me. Cemetaries scare me and make me uncomfortable. I would sit there and bawl my eyes out to you about everything. I love when you come visit me in my sleep. I miss you so much. You left me too soon. I wasn't ready. it hurts so bad to know I can't ever see you again. When I found out the news I crashed. I didn't believe it nor did I want to beileve it. I became hysterical. Everytime I think about any of it, it overwhelms me. I hate it. I hate that you're gone. I know you're better where you are now. You don't hurt anymore. You don't worry about disappoiting the people who love you. You don't worry about life. You aren't in the physicaly or psychological pain you were in for so long. I hate that you're gone. It hurts so bad. So many unanswered questions. Why did you flee? Why did you run! You were almost done and were doing awesome. Why did you have to go through so much pain thatthe end had to happen? You were almost done! Why did you Run? WHy were you found dead in that morning last November? Why didn't I get a chance to say goodbye? Why?!

JDW  08/02/1986-11/21/2006