Fear

So things have been looking up for the most part. Ryan and I have been spending more time together which is very good. Now, onto the shitty stuff. First my car decides not to work. It just stops. I can't even describe what it does besides just stop lol. So then I go and try to fill 2 of my prescriptions and found out that I no longer have insurance.... awesome. This all means I can't fill any of my meds until my disability comes through. I'm actually pretty scared I will spiral out of control either fast or slow. I am just now experiencing a cycle which I have't had in a LONG time. I can't even remember the last time I cycled. Without my meds, I'll probably go through some horrible withdrawal symptoms which I am afraid of. I'm afraid my anxiety will sky rocket sometime soon. Another bad thing, my face should start breaking out somewhat soon because I can't fill my birth control which controlled my acne as well. I started going to a group every other week but since I won't be on my meds I'll be going to it every week so I can stay sane. I feel so euphoric when I come home from my meetings. Usually we have people over or I have a bad day or something to the point where I don't want to go but I know I should. From now on, I'm going every week so I can have somewhere to go that's safe, a place to cry, a place to relate to the others (most of the group is Bipolar or unspecified mood disorder) because everyone has experienced something similar in the past few years. I purposely took off Sunday nights so I can go to the meetings and not miss. I know it's going to be a good thing. Maybe then I'll find out how to cope without my old methods...